bonnieylau

just let me go, far away… somewhere where i can just be

In Uncategorized on October 17, 2010 at 2:35 pm

Yesterday, as I was studying at Second Cup, I ran into one of the coolest & awesome-est girls at Schulich. You know who you are…And conversations about Schulich started to begin. Just everything, that we’ve had to go through, being so confined and having to balance between school, family, and your own interests. there was always tension It’s hard, we’ve had to learn the hard way. We both admitted how we have changed, and how ultimately, we did let it happen. Of course, we both do not regret any of the decisions we made. We both hit real lows, but without second year, we would not have the perspective on life as we do now… Reflecting back, I never saw my family in second year… I would rarely spend time with my sister, the person who i am related to not only by last name, but by blood, by just everything! Nonetheless, i’m glad i’m making her a priority this year. Watching her grow up, is becoming to be a blessing. Sometimes I do worry about her so much, I’m scared, that she’ll take the wrong route, and end up well… you know what i’m going to say. BUT, i know i should also be confident, that my mom raised her well, that I have been a good role model for her…

Looking back, I gave up a lot… I didn’t sing; the one that I was really passionate about. I mean, I would think back to the days when I was in choir, and all the memories of just being able to sing to my little heart’s content. The freedom, and joy that it brought to me, I didn’t do it anymore. Why? Because i didn’t have time… I was too busy studying WACC, learning about budgeting, or doing a Linear Programing question. And in the end, it wasn’t worth it, at all.

Anyhow, we started talking so more, and then we got to the topic of, of course, life. Both of us, we don’t want to ever want to do things that are deemed ‘prestigious’ or ‘attractive’ just because our institutions tell us they are. But, at the same time, it is a constant struggle. Sometimes, we feel like everyone, is chasing. Us included, we’re all chasing after something, but at the end of the day, after a long day of studying, or a long day of work, when I ask myself “what was it all for in the end?” I find myself at a lost of words… It’s easy to sight of why you do the things you do, and I feel like something that I need to start doing, is making keeping my eyes on the prize, but also, making sure that the prize is worth it in the end…

Then we started talking about travelling… there is just so much in the world that we haven’t seen yet. true, we have the rest of our lives to travel, but we also have the rest of our lives to work… so why is everyone in such a rush to get a job? why? “oh because i need to be financially stable… etc etc etc”, i mean don’t get me wrong, it’s awesome to have a job and be stable, but i mean, i’m talking about those people that put A LOT OF pressure on themselves to get a job.. i mean, come on! give me a break! 1) you know you’re going to get a job, i mean no one is really stupid… so whether its in 4th year, a year after graduation, or even 2 years, you will get a job… and 2) again, you have the rest of your life to work!!!

Anyhow, the conclusion of this discussion with her, was that, we’re both, going to be unconventional, and do what we want to do… Travel! JUST GO!  And somehow, every meaningful discussion I have with someone,  the book Tuesdays with Morrie always somehow gets its way into the conversation. So I guess it would be nice to end off with a quote by him… All i know is, i never want to feel half awake & half alive.

“Devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to loving the community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose in life…” – Morrie Shwartz

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